Character Death
by s. du jour
Summary: In which the Twilight characters find love in unusual places, and death in unlikely circumstances. Come for character deaths, stay for the insane plot, review for the heck of it. This literally is Any/Any.
1. Carried Away By Feelings

** A/N as of 17 September 2010: I've edited various chapters between 1 and 29 of this fic in order to clear up a few things (and fix that penguin disrepancy between the first two chapters!). But don't worry, the plot remains the same, so if you don't go back and read the whole thing again, it's not going to matter at all.  
**

**I dare new readers to click off this story without wanting to find out what on earth could cause a penguin disrepancy...**

**So anyway I like to think of this story as planned-out crackfic with fewer spelling errors. Rest assured, I'm sticking to the summary. Characters will die in droves, and barely anyone is in a canon relationship by the time they do. ****I hope you enjoy it!**

**Once And For All Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and I'm not making money off this story. **

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Alone at last, after everyone else had gone to Africa on a penguin hunting trip (a food that even Jacob would eat, but neither Emmett nor Nessie liked), Emmett and Nessie looked at each other shyly.

"Um, Nessie?" said Emmett in a low voice.

"Yeah?"

"You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Yes!" squealed Nessie. "I hate penguins, too!"

"Ah... no."

"Oh. You mean... we should run away together?" Nessie's voice was hesitant, yet full of excitement.

"Yes, Nessie, I do mean that. And I think we should do it right now."

"Oh, Emmett!" sobbed Nessie, throwing herself into his arms. "I"ve wanted this for so long! Ever since Jacob and I got back from the airport two hours ago, and I saw you for the first time in ten years, I just knew you were the one for me!"

"Hush, munchkin," said Emmett tenderly. "Go and pack your bags. We'll run to New York, where no one will ever find us."

Nessie went. Emmett followed, sighing with happiness. In less than an hour, they would be on their way to New York, where no-one would ever find them. And they would run there.

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**There actually are penguins in Africa. How cool is that?**

**Reviews are love, of course, but since this is a short chaptered story, it's not going to kill me if you read straight through and don't review every. single. chapter. A couple here and there would be nice, though.  
**


	2. Hissy Fit

**I make no apologies for the capital letter abuse in this or subsequent chapters. My excuse is that I'm sticking with the crackfic roots of the story. (The real reason is that Notepad doesn't let you italicise stuff. The excuse just lets me sound smarter :D)  
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Upstairs...

"Where IS he?" screamed Rosalie. The family had returned after a week in Africa and a successful penguin-hunting safari. The female Cullens were in Rosalie's room, trying to freshen up after a long journey.

"Rose, dear, I'm sure he just left to pick up the Sunday Times or something little like that," Esme said as she adjusted her shirt collar.

"It's been THREE WHOLE SECONDS! He would be BACK by now!" Rosalie picked up a hairbrush and threw it at the mirror in front of her. It smashed.

"Maybe he's just taking his time," Bella added.

"And besides, we don't read the Sunday Times! We read the DAILY MAIL!" She grabbed a hair-scrunchie and threw that at the other mirror in front of her. It, too, smashed.

"Rosalie, careful! You'll break a nail or something," Alice said. This had the desired effect. Rosalie quickly threw aside the teddy bear she had been planning to throw. It landed on the floor, creating a new hole in the rug.

"It's okay, Rosalie," said Bella. "I'm sure he and N-Nessie will... b-be b-back!" She began to sob brokenly. "But what if I'm wrong?"

"They've r-run away t-together, I j-just know th-they have! Oh, w-what will we d-do?" Rosalie fell on the bed beside Bella and wept her heart out. Esme hovered compassionately.

"Go after him!" said Alice. "Go on, do it! Show him what he's missing!"

Rosalie sat up. "I will. I WILL. And I'm leaving NOW! Who's with me?"

"Umm..."


	3. Away, Away

Downstairs...

"She's left me!" wailed a heartbroken Jacob.

"I'm sure she hasn't," said Jasper, looking uncertain.

"She HAS, I just know it!"

Carlisle began, "Now, Jacob--"

"She better not have," growled Edward. "I don't want my daughter running off with my brother! Even if they aren't related!"

Jacob howled. Carlisle shot Edward a withering look.

"Sorry."

"Well, then, go after her!" said Jasper.

"It's bad enough, her being with a werewolf in the first place, but running off with Emmett..."

"She doesn't want me!" howled Jacob again.

"Of course she does," said Carlisle. "Take Jasper's advice and go after her." He patted Jacob on the head awkwardly.

Rosalie chose that moment to come down the stairs, ignoring Carlisle's display of affection. "Right! Who's going to come after the TRAITOR with me? If nobody HERE wants to go, then I'll just do it myself!"

"Go on, Jacob."

"It's a good idea."

"Just make sure she gets back SAFELY. If Emmett's done anything to her..."

And thus, Jacob and Rosalie, sworn enemies, set off on a quest to seek and retrieve their errant spouses.


	4. Rosalie's Redemption

"Just wait till he gets home," grunted Rosalie as she and Jacob made their way through the thickest part of the woods. Trust Nessie and Emmett to take the hard way. It had been three days since they'd left for wherever they'd gone. She bent down and smelt the ground. Jacob crashed into her. Rosalie ignored him, taking another professional sniff. She stood up.

"They went east."

"She left me!" Jacob was still a little weepy.

"Oh, just shut up!" she snapped, and dragged him by his arm in an easterly direction. "We're going to find them and bring them home."

"But will they come back? What if they love each other? What if Nessie doesn't want me-e-e?"

"Would you quit your whining? For goodness' sake! We'll find them. A little bit more to the left."

Jacob stayed silent, letting Rosalie push him around. A tear escaped the corner of his eye.

"I mean, come on, you're meant to be the tough guy, and I'M doing the tracking? What is up with that?"

"I'm sorry."

"Just shut up."

"What if-"

"I said shut UP!" Rosalie whirled around suddenly, leaving Jacob with no option but to crash into her from what had been, until a second ago, her back. They flew into the bushes, destroying several rare species in the process.

Rosalie gazed up at the face of Jacob looming above her, and suddenly, every single one of her sharp comments left her brain. Jacob closed his eyes and leaned forward.

"I think I just imprinted on you, Rosalie."

As their lips met, Rosalie decided she was in heaven.

"Let's forget about this. Let's just elope to Italy," she sighed.

"I couldn't think of a better idea myself," said Jacob. Rosalie smacked him on the shoulder.

"You can't think, dog."

"Oh yeah."


	5. Anything to Say, Edward?

**Thanks to all those who've reviewed so far; I'm glad I can make you smile!**

**And now it's Plug Time! If you like, check out my story Cullenmania: Mythical Madness, in which Bella has become suddenly fascinated with water and Edward ends up with a saucepan on his head... (EDIT: Now has a sequel, House of Fun, and another in the works...).**

**I also have another humour story up, Twilight Outtakes, that twists certain scenes from the book into, well, very different scenarios. They're both accessible from my profile.  
**

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"That's it! It's been three days and nobody's back yet!" cried Bella. "I bet Rosalie and Jacob have run off together!"

"Would it matter to you if they had?" Edward said. He was still grumpy about the whole Nessie-Emmett thing.

"I...I..." Bella stuttered. Edward turned to face her sharply.

"What?"

"I... The thing is, Edward... I don't... love you. Anymore. I'msorry."

"What?"

"I think I...havetogofindhim..."

"What?"

"...and tellhim...that..."

"Bella, you can't be serious," said Esme.

"I think I am," said Bella slowly and definitely.

"What?"

"That witch! She stole Jacob from me!" shrieked Bella suddenly.

"What?" echoed Jasper, Carlisle, Alice, and Esme. Edward was uncomprehending.

"She will pay!"

And Bella dashed out into the forest, leaving everybody stunned in her wake.

Alice was the first to recover. "She'll be back."

Jasper, Carlisle and Esme slowly shook themselves out of their stupor.

Edward recovered eventually, far too late. "What?"


	6. Crawling Through The Forest

**Short chapter, sorry.  
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Day One:

Bella raced through the forest, panting hard. "Must find Jacob! Must find Jacob! Must find-WOAH! Dodge the tree!-Jacob...Whoops! Must... find... Jacob-OW!"

Bella catapulted head over heels and landed in a bush.

"Jacob! My loooooooove!" she howled as she sat there, picking thorns out of certain sensitive areas. Sadly, this brought her no closer to the man of her dreams.


	7. Touch And Go

**Sorry that one was so short. This should make it up to you guys.

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Edward had had a relapse. He sat where he was, as still as a stone.

Eventually, Carlisle said, "Edward, we're going to have to track them down."

"Mmmf."

"Did you want to come?" asked Alice.

Edward's bottom lip wobbled dangerously.

"Okay, okay," said Alice hurriedly. "Maybe not, then."

Her husband put his hand on Edward's shoulder. Edward made no move to shake it off.

"Wow. He's really out of it," Jasper commented.

"Carlisle, I think we should go now," said Esme softly. 'Edward, we'll find her. Don't worry."

Edward didn't say a word. His eyes were slightly glazed over.

"Well...okay then. Seeya, Ed," said Alice awkwardly.

"Let's go then," said Carlisle.

"Yeah," said Jasper dolefully.

"I suppose we should..." murmered Esme.

"Bye, I guess..."

Edward did not respond.

"Look, to save time, we'll go west, and you go east, okay?" said Alice.

"Sounds like a plan to me," said Carlisle.

"So... Bye, Edward."

"Yeah, bye."

Still, Edward said nothing. He hadn't moved an inch.

"I guess we better go now..."

"Yeah..."

"Oh for heaven's sake!" said Esme, moving towards the door. Taking her cue, Alice left. Jasper followed.

"Bye, Edward..."

"Oh, for crying out loud, Carlisle, stop LINGERING! We have to find Bella, you know!" Esme grabbed her husband and propelled him out of the doorway.

Edward still didn't move.

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**Don't feel compelled or anything, but reviews are very nice. I like to know if you're enjoying the fic.**


	8. Emotionless

There was a knock at the door.

"Hey, Edward, open up!" yelled a voice that sounded suspiciously like Emmett's.

Edward blinked.

"Dad! I know you're in there! I can see your car in the driveway!"

Edward blinked again.

"Dad, I can see YOU! There's a window here, you know! Now, open the door!"

Edward, in a daze, got up and began to build a fire in the grate.

"Dad, what are you DOING?"

"That's it. Stand back, Nessie. Emmett's gonna break the door down."

"I love it when you talk like that!"

Edward's right eyelid twitched. He placed another log of wood in the now-crackling fire.

The door crumpled into tiny pieces, admitting Emmett, three overflowing suitcases, and a very excited Nessie. Edward ignored the entire event, calmly blowing on the fire to keep the flame going.

"Well," grinned Emmett, carelessly throwing the luggage onto a nearby table. It sagged under the immense weight. "That was a whole lotta fun. Quite a bit of shopping. Did you miss us?"

"Hi, Dad!" chirped Nessie, throwing her arms around the unresponsive Edward. "Where is everyone?" Both Edward and the table (one of Esme's favourite) groaned.

"What's wrong?" Without waiting for an answer, Nessie came to stand beside Emmett. "Oh, and guess what?"

Edward looked up, his face a mask of stone.


	9. Revealing All

"I'm pregnant!"

Very calmly, Edward looked from Nessie's jubilant face, to Emmett's merely cheerful one, and back again. The table groaned - the last straw.

"YOU WHAT?"

"I'm pregnant, Daddy! I think I'm going to call him... I'm sure it's a him... Edarlilaspett! It's a mixture of Edward, Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett! Whatdo think?"

Edward glared at Emmett, seething with hatred.

"What? You don't like the name? I personally think it's a little girly, but Nessie insisted, didn't you, munchkin?" He slung an arm around Nessie's waist. She giggled.

"MUNCHKIN? I'LL... MUNCHKIN... YOU!" With each word, Edward strode forward, and, on the very last, he reached forward and tore Emmett's head off. In the same motion, he threw the aforementioned head in the fire.

"DAD! How COULD you?" Nessie shrieked. Tears were pouring down her face.

"MUNCHKIN?"

"Don't... call me that! HE called me... tha-a-aaaat!" Nessie flew out of the door at lightning speed

Shocked beyond belief at what he had done, Edward sank onto the couch, ignoring the headless body that toppled down to sit beside him, and resumed his blank, glazed state.

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**First death and much caps abuse! More to come, o****f course. As always, reviews are love!  
**


	10. Day Five

**And this should be the last time I post such a short chapter.  
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Day Five:

"...Must... Find... Jacob..." Bella staggered again, finally collapsing in a heap at the foot of an old tree. She hadn't stopped running for five days, and she needed a rest. Banging into all those trees had made even her vampire skin bruise just a little.

She sighed. She would never find her love. She was doomed to wander the woods of America for days, especially since she had no idea what direction she'd been going in in the first place.

And then she had a thought... If there was anyone who could help her, it would be the Volturi.

"Yes! That's what I'll do!" she said aloud. "I'll go to Italy..."

Bella made her way back to the Cullen house as fast as possible, leaping over the trees she had toppled when her forehead had hit them on her journey out. From the Cullen house, she could get her bearings. She wouldn't go inside; she'd skirt the area and head to the airport as quickly as possible, head straight to Italy. The Volturi would know what to do...

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**Um, okay. It's kinda PSA time. I know it's long, but I'd appreciate if you took a couple of minutes to read it.  
**

**Let me stress first off that I'm never doing this again, so you don't have to worry about getting confronted with far more author's note than actual story in the future. I'm making an exception here.  
**

**Perhaps more importantly, I need to stress that**** Renaebeth_Amelia_Cullen does not know I am doing this, and she didn't ask me to. **

**She's not one of my readers, so she's not going to find out. I'm not connected with her in any way other than stumbling on her story, and that's kinda what this PSA is about.  
**

**What I wanted to say was: please, if you can, head on over to her story That Duck Again (**www. fanfiction .net/s/5039219/3/That_Duck_Again**), or any other one of her stories and review her author's note. Heck, review her actual chapters. Give her some good points about them! A slight bit of concrit! Encourage her to continue! (Just don't all do it in a rush, or on every single story, or she'll realise something's up.)**

**She's just as good as a lot of the people here, and_ her story wasn't bad_! It made me laugh! So instead of reviewing this chapter, go and review HER story.**

**Why should you? Because we're all here to learn to write better and to have fun. As Renaebeth puts it, writing was her release. And now she feels that she can't write because she believes that she sucks. She's hurt and unhappy. Wouldn't you be? Can you think of anything worse than someone telling you that you couldn't write and that they were so much better than you?**

**Yeah. That's what happened to her.**

**She's a fellow author. A human being. And the act of doing something she loves has been taken away from her. We're all on here because we love to write, right? She's one of us. She deserves some solidarity. She deserves some encouragement.**

**Please, please, don't overdo the comforting, and if she's got enough reviews saying she's awesome, don't add way more that make it all sound fake and contrived (they'll make her think something's up, and I don't want that). Just offer her a simple, sincere word of comfort or encouragement, or something. Please. Do it for all the times someone's said something bad about you. Do it for all the times you hope they never will again. Do it for all the times you've been ashamed of being who you are for no good reason. Do it for the things you used to love until someone made fun of them. Do it to show the people who say those things that it doesn't matter what they say.**

**Do it in the hope that someday, someone may do this for you-come and encourage you with friendly, sincere words, and help you to get back up on your feet.**

**I'll sign off now.**** *crawls back into corner*  
**


	11. Eastward I Go

Tears streaming down her face, Nessie ran and ran and ran without stopping to think. She ate on the go with the vampire form of fast food: snatching squirrels from the trees and sucking them dry as she flew through the woods, her path eventually littered with hollow rodents.

On the first day of her run, she met nothing but woodland and skittish deer.

On the second day, she passed her mother (who was running towards the Cullen home) in a streak of white. However, as both Nessie and Bella were heading in different directions at full speed, neither realised this, and a touching and tearful reunion was averted.

On the third day, the squirrel population seemed to have run out, but she didn't care. She still hadn't stopped crying, rushing blindly through the woods in her misery, not caring where she went.

When she reached the eastern coastline of America, four days later, Nessie didn't even think to halt. She just kept running, sheer momentum and tears carrying her across the Atlantic Ocean and onto the Eurasian continent.

She skirted her way around Ireland and Britain, preferring to avoid the crowded isles altogether rather than risk being seen, although she had no more. She kept running, and running, and running, across Spain, France, Switzerland...

And finally, when she could run no more, she stopped.

25 miles away from the Gulf of Taranto, Italy, on the edge of a cliff, lies an abandoned village named Craco. 400 metres directly below lies the Cavone River valley.

Renesmee Carlie Cullen had stopped at the edge of Craco.

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**I couldn't post this without commenting that Bella's and Nessie's running speeds are not very accurate. They both probably could've gotten to the other side of America in a day or less, since they can run faster than cars. But I guess that's the beauty of the whole MST3k thing...  
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****

Also, I was going to do this whole fast-food squirrel takeout thing, but I've come to the realisation that, unfortunately, for a crackfic, this isn't THAT crackfic, and it wouldn't fit. Sigh. Oh well.

**Thanks to everyone who went and helped Renaebeth_Amelia_Cullen out. For lack of any better words, it was very nice of you.  
**


	12. Abducted!

"You," snarled Jane. Carlisle and Esme looked at her innocently.

"Jane, dear, would you care to explain why we've been whisked away like this?" asked Carlisle, rather politely considering the fact that both he and his wife were tied to a chair and surrounded by rather burly-looking vampire guards.

"Oh, don't pretend you don't know anything!" snapped Jane. "You told her to run off with Aro, I know you did!"

"Who?" said Esme, utterly dumbfounded.

"Who?" echoed Carlisle, utterly dumbfounded.

Jane sighed, exasperated. She didn't believe them.

"Don't pretend you don't know anything!"

"You said that already." Esme rolled her eyes. The motion was interrupted halfway through when a thought struck  
her. "You don't mean-"

"Oh, no," said Carlisle flatly.

"She didn't," said Esme, equally flatly.

Caius spoke up, his voice flatter than those of the two Cullens put together. "She did."

"Oh, no," said Esme.

Jane smirked. "You said that already."


	13. Tracking The Miscreants

Out at midnight in the midst of rural Italy, Caius was less than impressed. Having forgotten to bring along anybody of usefulness, and therefore stuck without a tracker, he was fast losing patience.

"Where ARE they?" he shouted.

Marcus, true to form, said nothing. Jane, also true to form, snarled in annoyance.

Esme sighed and threw up her hands. "What were you expecting? That we'd just walk along and-"

"Wait a second!" cried Caius. And then he was off on the hunt. Evidently, he'd found the scent. Marcus followed, leaving Jane alone with Carlisle and Esme.

"Well? Follow them!" she said. When neither moved (they were both still slightly bewildered by what had just taken place) she grabbed both Cullens by their wrists, and dragged them along, after Marcus and Caius, into the night.

The forest they eventually came to was so dark that even the vampires were unable to see a thing.

"Ow!"

"Oof! Would you STOP bumping into me?"

"I didn't bump into you! YOU ran into me!"

"Watch it!"

"Jacob, would you quit that?"

"Hey, now, Rose, I didn't do anyth-"

"Rosalie?"

"Wait. Carlisle?"

A sudden beam of light shot through the trees, illuminating the vampires and consequently casting sparkles everywhere. It was Jacob's torch.

Jane and Caius looked at each other. Esme stared. Carlisle's mouth hung open. Marcus watched blankly. Finally, Rosalie spoke.

"You. Are. Kidding. Me."

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**Review, or I'll sock you with a monkey! **

**...Because I'm so mature.  
**


	14. Howling Wolf

"What?" yelled Caius, straight into Rosalie's face. "Where. The HELL. Is Aro?"

"What?" said Rosalie. If she'd kept her counsel, perhaps she would have been spared. But Caius was so incensed that, with a wordless cry of rage, Caius reached out and snapped her head off, casting it in a wide and powerful arc above the forest.

In the distance, a yelp of surprise could be heard. Jacob's howl of misery soon overtook it. He wailed long and loud for his lost love.

Two seconds later, a dishevelled Aro arrived upon the scene. He was far from cheerful.

"Do you realise, that THIS-" he thrust out Rosalie's head, elicting a fresh wail from Jacob- "landed on my beloved's head? Do you?"

Strangely, he didn't appear surprised to see half the Cullens (and literally half of Rosalie) and most of the more senior Volturi gathered together in the middle of an Italian woodland.

"Umm... Sorry about that, Aro. You weren't hurt, were you?" asked Caius in a subdued voice.

Before Aro could reply, Jane butted in:

"Actually, Aro, we were just looking for you."

"So I see," was all he said, raising an eyebrow. Evidently, his rage was gone as quickly as it had appeared. Jacob's sadness, however, was not. Every so often he gave another choked sob.

"Aro, what's wrong?" a woman's voice called out from the trees. She sounded close.

"Nothing, my love. Jacob's just a little upset about a certain severed head."

"Jacob?" gasped the woman as she ran into the clearing. It was Bella.

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**Shock!  
**


	15. HurtComfort

"Bell-a-ha-ha!" Jacob launched himself toward her and, sobbing, collapsed onto her neck, kicking the torch into the bushes, which had the effect of de-illuminating the forest. (Luckily, being a vampire, she was strong enough to bear his weight.)

Bella was aghast. "Jacob, what's happened?"

"R-r-r-... R-r-r-rrr..." Jacob could get no further. Jane spoke up, a glint in her eye.

"He's trying to say that Rosalie's killed and he misses her."

"NOOOOOOO!" screamed Jacob, the tears cascading down his face. "DON'T SAY THAT!"

Bella patted him awkwardly. She was trying to fight back the tears herself. Now that Jacob was back, she realised how stupid she had been in trying to find solace with Aro. There was only one man for her. And all she could do was hold him as he cried upon her shoulder for another's demise. She did her best to offer comfort. "There, there. It's okay, Jacob. It's okay. You'll be alright."

"Nooooooo..." He thrashed about, kicking the torch again. Jane's skin reflected a bright light into the clearing.

"Yes."

"Noooo..."

"Yes."

"No..."

Bella sighed. "Jacob."

"Bella?"

She sighed again. Jacob stared up into her face, and, as he did, his own face changed. In his eyes was a spark of recognition, as though he had seen her truly for the very first time...

Jane rolled her eyes.

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**Reviews = awesome, but don't feel compelled. That's not my intention.**


	16. Edward Loses A Mate

"Bella, I love you," said Jacob with all the feeling he could muster.

"Oh, Jacob..." Bella stared back at him

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Aro, breaking into their lovers' idyll. "You can't, Bella! You can't!"

"Oh, yes I can," said Bella passionately, barely acknowledging that Aro was there.

Aro seemed to deflate before Jane's very eyes. "You can't," he said flatly. Bella, lost in Jacob's eyes, did not respond. It was as if she was dazzled.

"Oh, Jacob, I've been so blind."

"So have I. You were always the only one for me."

"You were always the only one for ME."

"You're not just saying that?"

"Well... Maybe. But, Jacob, I love you now!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Aro. And then, before Bella could turn around (not that she would have) he was gone, rushing away to drown his woe in the depths of a certain Cavone River...

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**Thanks to all who review! Have a cookie, on me...**


	17. Love Spurned, Love Found, Love Saved

What happened next can only be described in slo-mo:

1. Aro ran.  
2. Everyone followed.  
3. They ended up at Craco.  
4. Just as Nessie jumped.  
5. Carried by his momentum, Aro left the edge at the same time as Nessie.  
6. They fell.  
7. They landed on the rocky edge of the river Cavone.  
8. Aro turned around to see the most beautiful creature he had ever beheld. She looked back at him. Was it his imagination that her face changed as she stared at him?

But she was gasping for breath. As a vampire, Aro was pretty well set for the rest of however long he chose to live. But as a hybrid, Nessie was far from unbreakable.

And she was dying.

Aro knew what he had to do.

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**Reviews = awesome, but let's face it, I'm not going to be carried by my own momentum off a cliff if you don't write one. (Yes, this is me trying to be funny.)**


	18. Percieved Pain

From the Cavone ravine came the most unholy shriek of pain.

"Aro! No!" Jane froze.

Caius was unworried. "He's a vampire, Jane. Unless a rock decapitated him, he's going to live."

"No!" wailed Jane. "He can't possibly have survived! His skin was so brittle... like shale... he never... never..." she burst into tears.

Thinking it over, Caius had to admit this was true.

All the running and crying that was going on had to have gotten to Jane, because, after standing stock-still for one moment, she immediately disappeared to the human eye, and ran away very fast . In the distance came the sound of fitful sobbing.

Curiously enough, that distance was also about as far away as the cliff at Craco. Unbeknownst to anyone else, Jane had harboured a passionate love for Aro within her heart for the last forty years. And she had gone to mourn at the edge of her master's grave.

"He's DEAD!"

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**I do beg of thee to review, but I shall not shatter into pieces and lose my life if you do not perform such a deed.**


	19. My Only Love

**Warning in advance: this is SHORT! But you probably figured that out already. Written in my approximation of an epic fantasy style, for the lulz and the mystery.  
**

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In a tower, far away, something had been heard. A cry of pain and bereavement carried through the night air.

The cloistered one stared between the bars of the window, up at the stars, and whispered, voice but a breath:

"He's dead?"


	20. YouCan'tImagineItUnlessYou'veBeenThere

**Props to anyone who caught the chapter title reference (it's from Watership Down, for those of you not in the know). Enjoy. **

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Nessie had no need to scream a second time. After all, she had already been half a vampire beforehand. Aro's injection of venom had caused her pain, yes, but it had also lasted less than a minute. She was well again, and fully vampirised, though her throat was rough from screaming.

"Aro!" she whispered huskily, gazing into his eyes. "Thankyou." Her voice cracked from new emotion.

"Oh, Nessie. My love," said Aro tenderly, and they embraced.

A figure stood, silhouetted against the harsh Italian sunlight. It carried something that looked suspiciously like a flamethrower. It said nothing, but Nessie had an odd sense that it was glaring at them.

She dragged herself up for air from a passionate lip-lock to better focus on the mysterious stranger.

"What's going on?" Nessie wondered, as the figure advanced toward them.

Just before he and his newfound love were torn to pieces and burnt beyond recovery, Aro had time to gasp one word...

"You!"

Unfortunately, it wasn't anything that enlightened Nessie as to the nature of their attacker. Not that she cared, by this point in time.


	21. See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya

**Yeah, you all hate me for doing Jacob/Bella. Oh well, not like it's going to last long... Or is it?**

***cue theme music* **

* * *

After Jane and Aro had left, everybody was silent for a long, long time. Finally, Jacob spoke.

"Well... I think we'd better leave."

"Where should we go?" said Carlisle.

"Uh... we could head off back to Forks," said Bella. "If you guys don't mind, right?" She looked at Cauis and Marcus.

"We shall go back to Volterra," said Cauis.

"And then-"

It was too late. By that time, the two remaining Volturi had left.

"Well. I guess we'll just go home then," said Jacob.

Bella stared at him. "You mean you're willing to travel with a bunch of vampires? Just for me?"

"Who said anything about y- I mean, yeah, sure!" said Jacob, who was a little afraid of being alone in forests.

"That's so sweet!"

"I suppose we should go then," said Esme. "We've found Bella, at least. Maybe Alice and Jasper have found Emmett and Nessie."

"Yeah," said Bella, who was staring at Jacob.

"Sure!" said Jacob, who was staring at Bella.

"Great!" said Carlisle, who wasn't staring at anything in particular.

There was another long silence.

"Okay, let's go!" said Esme impatiently.

"Sure," said everybody else.

Nobody had moved a muscle.

"Get home NOW, or so help me, I'll-"

Esme didn't even have to finish her sentence. The clearing was emptied in less than a half of a half of a half of a half of a half of a second. Almost.

"Hey, wait for me!" said Jacob.

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**If you're reading and enjoying this story, I'd love a review every so often. :) Till next time!  
**


	22. Everybody Say It With Me

When we last left Edward Cullen, he was frozen with shock, Emmett's headless body seated beside him. When Bella, Jacob, Carlisle and Esme arrived back at the Cullen house, the situation was no different, except for the fact that the flame in the fireplace had long since burnt out. (Not even vampire heads are inexhaustible fuel.)

But the flame in Bella's heart had not. When she saw her first love again, shocked and helpless at what she supposed had been her sudden desertion, she cast aside all thoughts of Jacob and flew to his side, knocking what remained of Emmett out of the way, where Esme stared at it in horror.

"Edward! Speak to me!"

Edward didn't.

("Emmett!" gasped Esme. Nobody else noticed, their attentions fixed on Bella and Edward.)

"Please, Edward! I know you're mad! I'm sorry!"

"Bella!"

But it had not been Edward who spoke.

"Bella! Don't leave me!" But Jacob's plea was useless.

"I don't care," said Bella absently. "Edward, PLEASE!"

Carlisle came forward and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Bella, once a vampire has been changed, it is quite, quite permanent. You know that."

"Well then, I guess I'll just wait for him to wake up."

"!" cried Jacob.

Esme looked up, abandoning 'Emmett' to move forward and comfort the werewolf. But even as a vampire she was too slow to make it in time.

The last thing the Cullens heard before they were rudely interrupted was, "I shall sacrifice myself at the grave of our love!" as Jacob ran off to, presumably, the Cavone River valley.

What was left of Emmett lay on the floor unnoticed.

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**Reviews = awesome, but I'm not going to sacrifice myself at the grave of... um, something... if you don't write one.**


	23. No Mercy Intended

There was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Esme called.

"It's us," said a deep, husky voice. "Come out and fight!"

"Yes, but who's US?" said Bella.

The answer that came could only mean trouble. It came in the form of the front door being flung open to reveal that Sam Uley was standing there, with a VERY nasty look on his face. Behind him stood the rest of the La Push pack, with equally nasty expressions.

They were outnumbered. The best Carlisle could do was "Uh-oh."

A slightly-more self-possessed Bella said, "Um. Hi?"

Sam Uley said to her, "You refused a pack brother. You WILL pay."

"But he deserted you!" said Esme.

"Doesn't matter. You think we don't want to kill you anyway?"

He had a point. At this, Carlisle began to edge behind Esme.

Edward still said nothing.


	24. Slowly Wear Him Down

"I'm sorry," said Bella to Sam.

"Like I said, you're dead." His voice was firm and cold.

"I really AM sorry," said Bella, a quiver in her voice.

"Dead meat." He crossed his arms and looked away.

"Honestly, Sam, I am. Do you think I didn't care?" Bella was almost crying now.

Sam said, "You-"

"And now he's run away and you've come here and I'm upset because I just can't HANDLE it, and you've just made it worse, okay?"

When Sam said nothing, Bella continued, "OKAY?" Tears were pouring down her face.

"I'm sorry," said Sam tentatively.

"Oh, you can say that. When I've gone through so much agony trying to decide between him and Edward, and then all of a sudden you werewolves just turn up out of the blue? Can't you just give me a break?"

"I'm sorry," said Sam. "Truly, Bella, I'm sorry!"

"I don't believe you." It was Bella's turn to cross her arms and look away. "Not one little bit."

"Bella-"

"You know what? Just kill me. Put me out of my misery!"

"Bella, I don't want to do that!"

"I'm so sure."

"Bella-" said Sam.

"I'm not listening."

"Bella, please-"

"Nuh-uh."

"Be-"

"Nope."

"WHAT is going ON in there?" roared Embry from outside the Cullen house.

* * *

**Shoutouts to Mordanyes, littledhampir13 and WinterSky101 for reviewing pretty much everything I've posted lately. You guys rock!**

**...uh, not that those who don't review aren't as awesome. :)  
**


	25. Esme Rises to the Occasion

"I'll tell you what's going on," said a voice from the back door.

It was Caius, with most of the Volturi behind him.

Stuck between a bunch of hostile-looking vampires and a bunch of equally hostile-looking werewolves, the only Cullen capable of speech was Esme, who threw up her hands and said:

"Oh, great. This is all we need."

"You betcha it is," said Caius with a nasty grin. "You didn't think we'd really just go off and let Bella insult Aro like tha- Hey." He lifted his nose and sniffed the air. "Do I smell... WEREWOLVES!"

"VAMPIRES!" cried Embry and Paul at the same moment.

Carlisle, Esme and Bella started backwards as the Volturi and the La Push pack flew at each other and collided in the middle of the room. Edward sat on the couch a little to the right of the fray, unmoving and yet unharmed. Emmett, being more in the centre of the action, was immediately torn to pieces.

Bella, forgetting her own vampiric status, gibbered with fear.

"Boys! Leah! Take this outside!" shrieked Esme in a voice that was Not To Be Argued With. Carlisle winced. He knew that voice.

The fray obligingly inched out of the door, taking most of the doorframe and nearby wall with it. This in itself was a relief. Unfortunately, Edward was dragged bodily with it. His left foot took out most of the west doorpost alone.

"Edward!" Bella squealed.

Esme got out a dustpan and brush and began sweeping up what remained of Emmett.

And still, STILL, Edward did not move...

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**Reviews are awesome, cause I like feedback. I like the whole 'interaction with readers' thing. However, should you choose not to review this chapter, I won't go into a catatonic state like Edward. :)  
**


	26. Overcoming Hardship

Thirty-six hours later, Jacob had arrived in Italy. He was soaking wet from the swim, but he was past caring; and a further six hours of running dried him off anyway. By the time he arrived at Craco, he was so exhausted that he merely trudged up the hill in a dull frame of mind, with only one thought pulsing in his head like a dull neon sign: I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU, BELLA. He felt like a zombie without her love to guide him.

He was barely aware that he was mumbling, "No, Bella. No. Choose me, not him. Me..."

As he came up the dusty slope, something inside Jane made her stop crying, get up from the edge of the cliff, and make her way down the dry hill to meet him.

"Jacob," she said softly. "Jacob, I can't let you die. Somebody I care about already has. I couldn't bear it if you died too. Not when I could save you."

"I just don't care anymore, Jane." Jacob's voice was hollow as he stared into her eyes. They were warm and sad, and somehow they seemed to connect with him...

Jane gave a watery smile. "I know."

"I just can't."

He took a step towards the edge of the cliff.

"No, Jacob!" said Jane straight away.

He turned back and looked into those eyes again. He hesitated.

Perhaps he could go on.

They had both been betrayed. And he wasn't Aro, and she wasn't Bella, but perhaps... Perhaps they could each find love again...

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**Reviews = warm and fuzzy feelings. **


	27. Fat Chance

Jacob shook his head violently, and ran for the edge of the cliff. He threw himself into oblivion before he could feel an attraction to Jane. Bella was the only one he wanted, and if he couldn't have her, he didn't want anything.

Jane, shell-shocked, settled back down to her seat in the dust and began to cry again, so loudly that she didn't hear the thud that Jacob made on the ground below, nor what must have been his dying screams of agony.

She didn't want to. They seemed to go on forever.

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**Short, but important, you must admit. I think this is how long the chapters were originally, anyway.**


	28. Hello To The Mysterious Killer

As he lay dying on the rocks in the hot summer sun, a sparkling figure came closer to Jacob. He winced at the glare. The vampire bent down, her skin pale, brittle, and sparkly. Her crazed, ancient eyes were black as coal. She seemed to be carrying a- a flamethrower? Jacob had no idea who she was, but he knew what she was planning to do. He whimpered.

"Thirst-ee...Thirst-eeeee..." she whispered with a snarl. "I'm so thirsty..." She leaned in, dropping the flamethrower.

Jacob was powerless to stop her from biting into his arm. It hurt beyond all belief, venom driving into his blood, his skin, his bones... The vampire sucked in once, then staggered back, spraying blood everywhere and making sounds of distaste.

"Werewolf!" she hissed, picking up the flamethrower. Then:

"No. No, I'll let you suffer just like Aro did. And then I'll come back and hunt you down."

Jacob winced again.

Soon he had a whole lot more to wince about, as a new pain took hold of him.

After five long, agonising days, a new revenge was born in his new vampiric wolf's heart. He would hunt this killer down. Because, as she left, she had hissed:

"Hawaii..."

* * *

**I've also updated Twilight Outtakes and Cullenmania 2: House of Fun tonight, if anybody's interested in reading them. I'd say it's worth it, but then, I'm just the author (who'd also love a review, if anybody's feeling that way inclined!)**


	29. Unprecedented Power

The Volturi and the La Push pack had been fighting each other for hours. It was now the next day (around about the same time that Jacob was entering Europe), and all but Edward and two each of the wolves and the Volturi were dead. None of the Cullens recognised any of them.

Esme and Carlisle were bored silly just waiting for the fight to end. Bella, anxious for the safe return of Edward, was already over it.

It didn't look like they were finishing up anytime soon, and Bella wanted her husband back. She finally stood up and cried, "That's ENOUGH!"

And with that, everybody who had been fighting fell over, knocked clean unconscious.

Bella looked at Esme with wide eyes. "Did I do that?" she said in a small voice.

Esme, already retrieving Edward from the middle of the carnage, said, "Duh."

"Moving right along," said Carlisle. "We need to bury the werewolves and burn the Volturi bodies before they come back to attack us. We'll keep the heads so we can identify them."

"Ew," said Bella, screwing up her face.

Five minutes later, a roaring fire was going in the backyard, Carlisle was attending to those that Bella had knocked out, and Esme and Bella were lining up the heads against the wall.

When they were finished, the two stood back and stared at their handiwork.

Then Bella said, "Hey. Where's Jane?"

"I don't remember seeing her with them..." said Esme.

"Or Marcus..."

"Funny. Caius isn't anywhere here either..."

Carlisle interrupted them. "I can't wake any of these guys up, vampire or wolf!"

Bella looked startled. "You mean... I killed them?" she whispered.

Carlisle nodded solemnly. "I hate to say it, Bella, but I think you did."

Bella thought for a second. "Cool."

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**Reviews are always nice, but let's be honest, I'm not going to do a Bella on you if you don't write one. :)**

**In fact, I'm not sure it's physically possible...  
**


	30. Murderer's Identity

**Wow! Thirty chapters and just over a hundred reviews! I'm feeling really flattered now :) Thanks to everybody who's reviewed so far; I appreciate it! I like to know you're enjoying the fic.  
**

**Warning for a slightly disturbing manner of death in this one. Not too graphic, though. ...I hope.  
**

* * *

Bella turned to look at Edward's still body, and immediately her features went from shyly pleased to desperately upset.

"I didn't kill Edward did I?"

Carlisle came over to check. "No, you didn't."

"Then WHY is he not MOVING?" A single tear escaped Bella's right eye. Not that vampires, as a general rule, can cry. But, as has already been seen, Bella was capable of remarkable things.

"Bella," comforted Carlisle. "He must have sustained some sort of shock. Like I said before, once a vampire changes, he's irrevocably like that. Changes are very rare. So in all probability, he may... Well, he may never move again."

Before Bella could burst into tears, a figure rounded the side of the house, sparkling in the sunlight. As soon as it caught sight of the stricken vampire, it made straight for her. Purposefully, it tore off her head in one sharp motion, letting her body crumple to the ground. Then it activated the flamethrower it carried on its back, incinerating Bella's body with one short, sharp burst of flames. In doing so the figure stayed in one place long enough for Carlisle and Esme to see that it was female.

"You touched Aro. You will die," hissed the woman, before leaving as quickly as she had come, swinging her flamethrower behind her.

Neither Carlisle nor Esme made a move to follow her, dumbfounded. Instead they just watched her leave. After a long while, Carlisle swallowed, his eyes still wide with disbelief and not a little fear. "Esme... I think that was... was that? Sulpicia?"

Esme, never having seen Aro's wife before, could not answer conclusively one way or the other.

* * *

**So, uh. Yeah. I did just incapacitate both romantic leads of the original story, and introduce a character who's only mentioned once in the entire series as the main villain. You weren't going crazy or anything. Review if you need something for the mindscrew. Or just if you want to say hi! :)  
**

**By the way, in the next week sometime, I'm changing my username permanently to pianissimotion. Just so you know.**


	31. Overtones of Jane Eyre

"Bella?" somebody whispered. And it wasn't Esme or Carlisle.

It was—

"Edward!" gasped Esme. "You're back!"

"Bella?" said Edward again.

"I'm sorry, Edward," said Esme. "I'm afraid she's-"

"No." Edward held a hand up. "Don't say it. Just don't say it. Who did it?"

Carlisle said, "It was Aro's mad wife." When she drew only blank looks, she continued, "Sulpicia? Remember, he locked her in a tower ages ago? And now if that flamethrower's anything to

go by, it looks like she's got a penchant for setting things on fire."

Edward said only, "I'm going after her."

And with that, he fell to the ground to pick up the scent, found it, and raced away, scuttling on all four legs like a sideways crab in the general direction of Italy.

Carlisle said, a smidgen too late, "But Edward, she... left... that... way..."

Esme looked at Carlisle pointing south east, shrugged her shoulders, and threw Bella's body onto the bonfire, where the flames gradually consumed her.


	32. Unerring Sense of Direction

Four days later, Edward Cullen arrived in Italy, having had problems following the quickly-fading scent of Sulpicia's trail. But he was determined to do it. She had killed his love, and he would avenge this act if it was the last thing he did.

It almost did turn out to be the last thing he did: as he reached the cliff edge of Craco he almost fell to the rocks below with shock. (A very nasty fate, it has to be said.) Because sitting hunched up on the very edge between ground and air and wailing so hard that it made up for her inability to cry real tears, was Jane.

"Jane?" said Edward. "What's wrong?"

"He's dead!" sobbed Jane. "Aro's dead and he loved Bella and not me and I loved him SO MUCH! What am I going to do, Edward?"

Edward's heart could not but melt at the situation. "Bella's... she's dead, too, Jane."

Jane looked up, finally stopping her sobs. "Really? She's dead? YESSSSSSS!" She pumped her fist in the air. "Suck on that, Bella! Who's the idiot now!"

"Jane!"

Jane caught sight of Edward's face and immediately realised that she'd made a colossal boo-boo.


	33. Right or Wrong

**I'm excited right now. And why? Because I've finished writing this story. Now all I have to do is post the rest of it! In case you're interested, Character Death is officially 40 'chapters', including an epilogue. And there's quite a lot more action and death coming up, so never fret, my dears.**

**Okay, that made me sound like a creepy old lady. Anyone got a gingerbread cottage for sale? I need somewhere to live.**

**

* * *

**"Oh. Um. I'm sorry. You loved her, I guess," said Jane.

"Yes, I did, and now she's... she's..." Edward fell face down onto the ground, howling and sobbing as Jane attempted to pat him on the shoulder and reassure him that it would be okay. However, it only brought back memories of her own lost Aro, and they both ended up clinging to each other and crying.

It took a day for them to recover. When it was over, they sat with their legs dangling off the cliff-face, watching the sun sink past the horizon and ruminating on the deep things in life.

"You know, Edward," said Jane finally, looking up at him.

"Yes?"

"Love isn't all it's cracked up to be. I think I'm swearing off it for a few centuries. Maybe then I'll try again-but not before."

Edward looked back at her and said, "I agree. It's just too hard to be in love."

"Really hard," said Jane, her face inching closer and closer to Edward's.

"So hard," said Edward, his own face doing the same.

"You know what?" said Jane. She was finding it hard to breathe.

Edward was having the same problem. Then he realised that vampires didn't need to breathe anyway, and simply stopped. "What?" he said to Jane.

"I don't believe a single thing I just said."

Edward looked deeply into Jane's eyes. "Neither do I, Jane."

Or would have, if Jane hadn't said "I can't resist you any longer," and pulled Edward's face down to hers. He kissed her back, gladly, both of them revelling in their newfound and precious love. Despite having felt this way for all of two seconds, they knew their love would stand the test of time.

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**Cast your vote now! Who do you think will die next - and why?**

**(Yes, that's me trying to get you to review. Is it working? Tell me it's working :P)**


	34. Going Modern

When at last they pulled back from the kiss, Jane and Edward stared even more deeply into each others' eyes. Jane's eyes were full of happiness, but there was a hint of sorrow in Edward's.

"Edward?" said Jane. She cradled his face in her hand. "What's wrong, my love?"

"I'm sad," said Edward, sadly. "Very sad."

"But why, Edward? Can't you be happy with me?" said Jane. She turned away, a little overcome by the possibility of losing the newest love of her life.

"No, Jane!" said Edward, pulling her back towards him. "I love you, truly, I do. But I mourn my Bella."

Jane stood up. "You don't love me."

Edward stood up with her. "Yes, I do. More deeply than I could ever say. But I must do one last thing."

"What's that?"

"I have to find her killer and avenge her. Then, and only then, can I live a new and happy life with you."

"In that case," said Jane, "I'm coming with you."

"Jane?" said Edward, his eyes ablaze with love and devotion for this woman who understood him so completely.

"Yes, Edward?" said Jane softly.

"I love you."

They kissed again.

"Edward?" said Jane finally.

"Yes, Jane?" he said tenderly. "Rest assured, your merest wish is my highest command."

"Well, then, would you please stop speaking as though this was the sixteen-hundreds?"

"Certainly, my love."

Jane could see already that this relationship was going to be full of problems. But she would try to make it work. They could - and would - succeed. And they would start by going after Sulpicia...


	35. Ode to the Heart of a Werewolf

Having finally made it through an excruciating five-day transformation, Jacob was up and at 'em. More specifically, he was on the hunt for his vampiriser.

—A vampiric werewolf! How could he be such a thing? And yet it was true. His sense of smell was enhanced, his fur a little more sparkly, and his skin just that much more impermeable. He was the perfect predator. He was an abomination.

And he wanted revenge.

As soon as his heart stopped beating, he set upon the trail Sulpicia had left, and with such fury and dedication that by the time Edward and Jane met at the top of the cliff he had jumped over, he was in Hawaii.

In his travels, Jacob hadn't even bothered to stop at La Push, thus not realising the rest of his pack was dead.

It was easy to find his killer. Sulpicia was a bright sparkling flash perched on top of an active volcano far away. For this reason, though it was in the middle of the day and she could be seen for miles around, no human had climbed up to investigate the mysterious sparkling; they were too scared of a possible volcanic eruption.

She was soon joined by another, slightly dimmer, sparkle when Jacob caught up to her.

"You've ruined my life," he snarled, pacing toward her, on the side of the brown rock. There was an ominous rumble below them.

"Don't care," said Sulpicia. Her eyes were wide, and, Jacob reflected, she looked almost mad. He didn't say anything to her. Couldn't. He moved backwards a little.

"What shall you do now?" She was laughing at him now. Laughing. Then she came towards him, almost seductively. Jacob was a little taken aback by her change in manner.

And then again when she then leapt for his throat.


	36. On Suburban Happenings

Several days earlier, Esme had seen Jacob briefly as he passed through Forks. As she'd been far too busy cleaning up after the bonfire to investigate, she simply ignored it and assumed that he knew what he was doing. Youngsters these days were far too hard to keep up with. She was sure it'd all turn out fine.

However, certain events—or rather, one particular event—occurred and made it impossible for her not to realise that something was going on.

"Carlisle," said Esme.

"Yes, Esme?" said Carlisle.

"I've just realised that something's going on."

Carlisle looked up from his newspaper. "In what way?"

"Well, for one thing, Jacob followed Sulpicia's tracks did four days ago. And I've just seen Jane and Edward on the same trail."

"I'm sure it's nothing."

Esme snorted. "In that case, I'd like to know what you'd call SOMETHING!"

"Fine, fine!" Carlisle threw down his newspaper as two more blurs went past. "We'll go! Stop nagging me, woman!"


	37. Don't Try This at Home

Jacob ducked, leaving Sulpicia to fly over his head and tumble down a few metres before regaining her balance. All this took approximately three seconds. And in those three seconds, a lot could happen. Not only did Sulpicia fail to vanquish her ill-created werewolf progeny, but at that moment, Jane and Edward appeared on the scene, saw Sulpicia in a vulnerable position, and simultaneously attacked her. Also simultaneously (when you're around vampires things are bound to happen quickly) For one thing, Jacob decided now would be a good time to transform into a werewolf, and did so.

For a moment, it appeared that all hope was lost for Sulpicia, but when Jacob's transformation alerted the newcomers, each saw a more worthy opponent. To Jane, he was the man who had chosen death rather than a near-life with her; to Edward, the man who had run away with his sister despite having imprinted on his daughter. He must pay.

As they flew at Jacob, Edward marvelled at the harmony and unity of purpose between him and Jane. Then, as there were more urgent matters at hand, he marvelled at Jacob's ability to sparkle and his new and improved tough skin, which was proving almost impossible to break through.

Sulpicia chose that moment to attack them again, having decided for no discernable reason beyond the fact that she was completely mad, that she should be the one to dispose of Jacob rather than Edward and Jane. She threw herself into the fray, hissing, scratching and throwing wild punches at anybody she could, whereupon everybody else immediately leaped backwards. The fight had now edged perilously close to the volcano's rim...

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**I'd just like to stress, fighting on top of a volcano is not a good idea. So, kids, make sure you choose a safer place to brawl.**

**Reviews'd be lovely :)  
**


	38. Big Fight Goes Bad

**And now, a small part of the thrilling conclusion!**

* * *

A spurt of lava flew upwards through the air, sizzling as it went. It distracted everybody for a moment, causing them to look upwards from the fight, and then down to the volcano's edge, which lay less than a foot from the group. In that instant, Jane realised something important: she was avenging Edward's past love. Edward, who should be loyal only to her.

And what was she doing? Fighting for Bella, that snivelling, simpering wretch! She wasn't even alive anymore! Couldn't Edward move on?

Jane's jealously overtook her rational side, and while everybody was looking at the flying lava, she quickly extricated herself from the mass of Sulpicia, Jacob, and Edward. It was all clear now. Edward wasn't worthy of her. He was using her to get his revenge on Sulpicia, and once that had happened, guess who'd be the next to go?

She had to stay one step ahead of him. SHE was going to survive, even if nobody else was...

"Here's to you, Edward!" she said, bringing everybody's attention to herself before the final move was made.

And before the group had any time to respond, Jane lifted a foot, pushed the tangled trio far into the volcano, and listened to the satisfying echoes of their terrified screams. They were on their way to being incinerated, and good riddance to the lot!

Only when she tried to do a victory dance did Jane realise that something was wrong. Somebody HAD had time to react. Somebody had hooked an arm around her foot and taken her with them; and now she was falling, too.

Jane would never know who.

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**(And the moral of the story - or this chapter, anyway - is that you shouldn't give into your jealousy or you will fall into a volcano and die. Possibly because an unknown person grabbed your leg, but I don't know—that might just be Jane-specific. Discuss and report your findings.)**


	39. Ya Gotta Take The Good With The Bad

"What are YOU doing here?" said Esme in astonishment.

"I came with you!" said Carlisle. "Surely you can't have forgotten already? I mean to say, Esme-"

"Carlisle, I meant Marcus and Caius."

"Oh. Right." Carlisle collected himself and began again, this time adressing the surviving members of the Volturi. "What ARE you doing here?"

"Well, considering that when we got back to Volterra we discovered Aro's wife has gone AWOL, I don't know why you're surprised," said Caius. Marcus actually exerted some physical energy, and nodded.

This was enough to signal to Carlisle and Esme that it was serious.

"We've come to exterminate her," Caius continued. "That much should be obvious."

Carlisle peered over the side of the volcano. "I think somebody's already done that for you."

"I can not discern the fate of Edward, Jane, and the other unknown," said Marcus mechanically.

"Was he always like that?" Esme whispered to Carlisle.

"Pretty much."

Caius sniffed the air and addressed Marcus. "I believe you mean the werewolf. I would assume they all fell into the volcano."

"Their scents certainly point in that direction," said Marcus.

There was a silence.

"So," said Esme.

"Well," said Caius.

"Um," said Carlisle.

"I suppose we've rather failed at raising a coven, dear," said Esme.

"I'd second that," said Carlisle.

Caius cleared his throat. "If that's all, Marcus and I must go back to Volterra. We have a Volturi to rebuild."

"Goodbye, then," said Caius.

"Goodbye."

And then the sole surviving members of the Volturi were gone. Esme and Carlisle sat on the volcano and watched them go.

"You know," Carlisle said after a while, "Even though this coven seems to have ended rather dismally... Well, we could always try again..."

"Why not?" Esme said.

They looked at each other and shrugged.

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**The End  
**

**(but not quite...)**


	40. Epilogue

**The end is nigh! Literally. Gosh, after having this story up here for two years (a ridiculous amount of time), this feels so final... Hope you like it!**

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_MEANWHILE..._

The dust was getting in Jasper's eyes.

"Can't we just give up?" he wanted to know.

"No!" said Alice firmly, and pulled him along the sand dunes.

"There are no volcanoes in the Sahara, Alice!"

"Well, we'll find one!"

Jasper submitted to being dragged around, and for a while, there was no more conversation.

"I can't see anybody, you know!" said Alice defensively. "Only Carlisle and Esme, and that's no help! They've forgotten about us! There's been no sign of Nessie or Emmett or Rose or Bella or anyone on this continent; and Jacob's too involved for me to see ANYTHING useful!" Her voice was approaching a shriek.

"Alice, calm down," said Jasper, doing his best to stop her from becoming any more riled. It worked, to a point.

"Look, we're just going back to where we began, okay? And it all started in Africa."

Jasper rolled his eyes. Apparently this was Alice's definition of reason. "Yes; SOUTH Africa. You don't get penguins up HERE. Especially in a DESERT."

"Oh, shut up and keep looking."

**The End (for real this time)**

* * *

**P.S. That unknown person a couple of chapters ago was Edward. Trust superspecialawesome vampiric telepathic powers to make an appearance after not being used for the whole story...**

**Also, Flo22 was the only reviewer out of everyone to ask me what happened to Jasper and Alice. Props to her, and as for the rest of you... I never expected to distract you guys so well :)**

**Ba-dum _tish_!**


End file.
